I decide with whom, when and how

“Hey babe, you're going to like it" "It's our turn, right?" "So a quickie and that’s it" ,” You just lie down and I will do the rest" . These and thousands of other messages are heard by women in our lives. Almost daily we receive proposals, insinuations, or in the worst case, mandates, to have sex with someone when many times we do not want it at all.

This is a subject that fortunately has taken more awareness publicly, and that demands our attention, firmness and strength. You own your body, and there is no one who can tell you otherwise, or who can force you to do something you don't want to do. In many cases we are pressured either by the circle of friends or by our first partner to have relationships when we do not feel ready, and for this reason it almost always ends badly, either sex sucks or because we did not have the voice to say what we like or even what hurts or displeases us.

Our body, in addition to being sacred, has its forms and whims, and we must listen to them if we want to have a good relationship with it. If at some point you don't feel good about having sex, you don't have to give in to any pressure or give someone else pleasure. Sex is to be enjoyed, it is not a job or a promise of contract. If someone forces you to have sex when you don't want to, that person really does NOT have consideration for you, and if they do use physical force to do so, it is clearly abuse and you have every right to walk away from that person and make a legal complaint.

To have a healthy sex life, we must learn to communicate what we like and don't like. This point is key so that nobody makes us do something we don't want to do. Let's say he wants to have anal sex and you don't. You must be clear and firm with your answer, and propose something different. If that person doesn't respect your decision, again, he's someone who doesn't care for you and is using you to fulfill his own desires regardless of yours.

It is only through reeducation and empowerment that these types of patterns will change. It may take time, but the more we are the ones to speak up and lean on each other, the sooner it will become a new way to relate in sex.